Reclaiming My Status as a Late Bloomer

 Current state of affairs: the psychopath is still in the White House. We are three months into a global pandemic. The brutal murders of George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, Ahmaud Arbery, Tony McDade, and so many others whose lives were taken have ignited an uprising against police brutality and systemic racial injustice. I’m writing this from my privileged perch in Brooklyn, grateful for the health of my loved ones, relieved that the ambulance sirens are no longer wailing non-stop, and thinking a lot about one of the many wise things Maya Angelou said: 

DO THE BEST THAT YOU CAN UNTIL YOU KNOW BETTER. THEN WHEN YOU  KNOW BETTER, DO BETTER. 

Two years ago I abandoned this blog in part because I thought I was done with being a Late Bloomer. I’ve been out for 18 years--a year longer than my marriage to a man. That marriage produced two beautiful children. The past 18 years have been filled with the joy of finding my true self, as well as a hell of a lot of heartbreak. Achieving a healthy intimate relationship is not for the faint-hearted.

Recently I came to terms with the fact that if and when I make it to 88 ( hopefully still going strong like the divine Edie W), I will still be a Late Bloomer. How many years I’ve been out will never change that. I can, however, change the way I carry it.  I’ve decided to stop treating it like a fatal flaw that needs to be covered up (for god sakes woman, let’s get everything out the closet! ).  After all, it takes a lot of guts to look yourself in the mirror and  admit that you’ve suppressed the essence of who you are for most of your life.  It takes courage to risk upending your whole life to finally live your truth. It requires making yourself and other  people uncomfortable; it demands that you examine your own complicity in upholding the norms of white patriarchy.  What if being a Late Bloomer actually gives you superpowers, and what if they are exactly the kind of superpowers that white queers need to be effective in the fight to dismantle white supremacy? Today, I am reclaiming my status as a Lateblooming Lesbian, so that I can know better, and do better.   Because….better late than never.